I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Are you young, by Stevie not old Haston.

There is chronological age, and physiological age, emotional, intellectual and a few more. Are you young, is your body young enough to climb well?

 Old enough to buy gear, or having kids when you should be having fun! You working too much?

How old am I? I would say I am any where between 7 and 20, I pass physical tests for normal people with ease, yet I have the wonder of a 7 year old. Am I happy with my body, yes provided it does what I ask, its getting a bit less co operative. Or is it, there has always been a battle to just sit on my arse!

 Do you wonder if your body is out of synch with your ambitions-me thinking can I dive deeper, or do I want another 2 pints. Will I climb or swim tomorrow?

 Are you still being silly, up for a jape, etc.

 Do you know whats available to help you climb and their only cost is money, not effort?

 Spice up your life, do it different, try visiting world class cliffs.

Go snowboarding, run up that little hill and go red. Swim with the fishes, sleep out under the stars, do not buy that electric can opener.

 Harder than nails, can you still trim your own?

Skip breakfast, unless its nails! 

 Little test, do it, fail or pass?

 Little test fail or pass?

 Are you happy when you train? Be happy.

Adults forget what the floor is, they want seats, and posh ones, get on the ground, get on the sea, or under it, rough paths not easy roads, try a bit, stretch your self.


Think how your body can help you, it is your only real friend, unless you are very sick, it wants to help you. But sometimes do use a stick, beat yourself once in a while, you must be in control of your space craft. Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun. Pipers at the Gates of Dawn, listen to your heart, and breath before you are listening to a wheeze, you're dying gasp. Too late, is too late.

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

Just like that, by Stevie Shoes Haston.

My life seems to be flowing away, from the mountains to the sea. It's been a nice journey-bucolic at times, but now it seems to be turning into the last rendition of Blade Runner-a confused story with lots of product placement. Beware the Ides of March.

Wheres my climbing shoes, bare foot climbing is not all its cracked up to be.

Confession part one, I am a very big nerd!
Confession two, I don't like boots and shoes, I love them for what they can do.


 Discussing fins for free diving, when the current record for no fins diving is over 100 meters depth, makes me feel a bit useless, discussing boots when people have done 8b barefoot might appear the same!

Without boots I can climb certain 6bs on face climbs, that's really  it. I don't climb crack without shoes, I promised myself never to suffer that degree of pain unless it was with a pretty domiatrix, crack climbing bare foot is a hell of pain. Boots, or shoes are climbing to me. The better the shoes the harder I climb, the kinder the shoes to my feet, the longer I enjoy that special pleasure of movement.  I have more climbing shoes, diving fins, running shoes, ice climbing boots than anybody on the planet, I take them very seriously. 

 The Chimera, I climbed 8b+, or this boot did straight out of the box!

When I help people climb I spend a few minutes talking about climbing shoes, and I then ask them to remember what I have said as I take them climbing. Most climbers think hands and fingers, as they climb.As they climb harder they worry about foot holds, and shaking off the holds, you start to ask your boots to stick, or edge, or to get further in that pocket. Good boots really help. A good fit really helps. Understanding your requirements, the rocks requirements, and where those bones in your feet that support your weight, and stick to the rock are fundamental to success. Please take boots seriously. 

 Scarpa Furia, a narrower toe which has a soft and comfy foot bed, velcro fitting for ease of, ON and OFF.

I used to climb dangerous 7b in really bad shoes, with rubbish gear, god only knows how good I was, because today if you gave shoes like that, I would be in hospital. I climbed the Eiger in mountain boots which weighed four times what a modern mountain boot can. Take boots, and how they fit you seriously.

My all-round shoe, it's ON and OFF in the blink of an eye, The Stix sticks to a teflon shovel!!!!3 mm rubber ensures I feel every thing!

Climbing shoes are to me like the ones that nimble Greek God Mercury wears, he has little wings at the back, and allow him to be a bit super human. Be nice to your shoes, place them with care, exactly right, press the rubber into the rock, engage the rubber-it will stick, push on your wonderful godlike fully graceful body, which is in harmony with the rock, succeed -fly.
If I can bore you just a bit longer, when I free dive, after 18 meters depth I normally don't have to fin, or swim, you glide through the water propelled by your negative buoyancy, and some impetuous. This "glide" is one of the most incredible things in my life, I used to get it running, I used to get it trudging up mountains, and I still get it rock climbing when my body and feet propel me through mysterious rock with magical ease. So guys get those winged feet. 

Friday, 22 September 2017

Too much information, by Stevie confused Haston.

Apparently you can only process 120 bites of info a second-well! Is that a lot I wondered as I flicked to the vid of an indonesian family and their bought on higher purchase rickshaw being eaten by a record breaking vegan snake! Seriously there's just too much info, the other day when Ondra climbed the first 9c there were other things put up for our delectation, some scantily clad of no import type of titilition  stuff, shit 9c was enough!
I cannot keep up any more, and don't know if I even want too, 9c and Freerider soloed are enough for me, just tell me what these guys eat, how they train, that's enough for me.
Editors need lots of stuff otherwise they don't have a job, they need their nationalism, they need their page three tits, whether they are boy tits, girl tits, or undecided tits!

 New Bouldering area ,its the bomb! Well its very old-apparently its over a few thousand years old according to a local I talked to, and its also far from being the Bomb!

I guess the Piolet d'Or will be up for nomination soon, neither the 9c, or Freerider will be up for anything, because they don't require an axe! 

 good problems here, its also just very nice.

Apparently there is more than 100,000 words flicking past me in a very short time, as I read that I wondered at the people with small vocabularies! I wasn't being cruel, just wondered. There is a safety device in humans that when too much is going on they loose interest, or start arguing, I had a friend at  school, a dear close family member, who when things got too much would dribble, mathematics did this very quickly-the same feeling hits me when I click on to BritainFirstClimbing@com.

    lie down my son, sit down starts are so passé.

Bouldering is so interesting, and so trivial at the same time, without the writing about it, the photos about it, the mags and internet would be liberated of gigamegazigystar dust bites of space where we could have long worded bigly sentences about snow plodding up unpronounceable mountains in countries which will soon have no snow on them due to global warming, and thus will be eligible for new ascents! 



laughing when you should be crying!

Slipping and sliding to un understanding of climbing as I get old, is 8b hard I wonder? Is 60 years old? 60 years old when I was young was one foot, one lung, and half a liver in the grave. Is there a mag out there that takes me more than 5 mins to read? Ah, the answer to that is yes, a copy of the America mag Ascent was given to me, and is brilliant, it's about 5 cappuccinos long! My happiness was rather subdued when I realised I have already read most of the articles before, still what a fab issue!  The View from Dead Horse Point is one article, I notice the 9c route had Silence as its name, when we can write as well as those before perhaps mags will come back! What do you not think, or did you click on to Twerking in Tumbridge Wells (Bumbridge?) after the first sentence of this blog and a quick perusal of the photos?
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Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Improving your climbing, by Stevie above average Haston.

If you wake up in the morning, and the first thing you do is download a vid of a giant snake in Indonesia eating an entire family, and the rickshaw they live on-well- I don't think you will have the concentration level to improve your climbing, or your life for that matter.

 This arch is no longer there, so its hard to "cease the day"Carpe diem indeed.

Today I will not look at my liberal mates Face Book pages deriding the Orange Buffoon saying he will flatten another country with his fat ego! No I will not look at the papers owned by rich loonies, instead I will do a bit of Yoga, if you don't like the word Yoga because it's too Fru Fru, substitute Pilates, or stretching,  or Kick boxing, or even Navy Seal Training warm ups, I don't care, just don't start playing Grand theft Auto while eating an american sugar coated poison burger!
Good habits maketh man, or in this case a climber, or a physically prepared person. Try a 20 min run, stretch your legs and lungs!

pick a nice spot and do some exercise.

Why am I training? Because I don't want to be sick, because I don't want to be infirm, because I don't want to be average, or heaven forbid below average. Instead of wasting your time, spend it profitably. At the risk of sounding like the old granddad athlete I am, write something on the Fridge, like I want to be fit, and strong enough to do X. I am writing it on the drinks cabinet!

 Explore your possibilities, the good possibilities, not the nacho covered in chemical cheese possibilities.

New routes, new places, new levels of fitness, or for me regaining some finger strength. Carpe Diem indeed, I was thinking about time, and how it runs out yesterday, I was hovering above a sunken ship at 30 meters depth, and I could hear time ticking. You should listen to time ticking every day, do something for your self, by yourself, run, do pull ups in the park- just stay away from Jerry Springer day Time TV life style living, get your body a life!



Friday, 15 September 2017

Free Climbing is not Free! by Stevie not Free Haston.

You know the term Free Climbing, but have you ever paused to think, is it free? Or how free, freeish perhaps? Free Diving, is not exactly Free unless your a lotus eater living by the sea. Terms of endearment, or willy waving terms to big up the protagonist? Freedom was a big massive word when I was young, its still the biggest word in my vocabulary, but the meaning seems lost to me now.

 3 years ago, stretchy rope, inattentive belayed, work the next day!

Four years ago I pulled out of a big race, my knee collapsed, I had been up in the first twenty places for bits, I had trained for nearly a year and wanted to place fairly high, the injury was certainly free!

 Free?

Free Ride was the upmarket term for what I had always done, which was to ski off piste in the mountains! Suddenly every Nob, and his Dog was doing it! The gear certainly got nicer! It came at a cost of course, the authorities started to shut things, and put barriers up, saying danger and other obvious stuff!


 Chicks for free?

There's lots of songs about Free, strangely they all seem to cost money. Where's my interesting life, where's my interesting wife, wheres my fast car? The sea was full of plastic today, the southern wind kept all the carbage pressed on the southern coast, more plastic than fish.

 Free Lunch, or poison?

I dearly want to go back to Dresden Sandstone, in the old days I would have hitch hiked and dossed down in caves, and it would've cost me nothing but time! Today most places don't allow hitch hiking, or it's kept to a minimum, and you can't stay in caves in Dresden, it's verboten!

 7c, six bolts, about 130 foot, free becomes a relative term.

The above climb is fast receding, I won't have the level soon, old age will forbid it, or the social police will drag me away as being to old to risk my life. A friend posted a photo of an early attempt at Salathe wall just before Todd and Pianna did it, he didn't, he had other things to do, his life was not free. In reality Freedom is way too big a word for humans. It's a term that can only apply to animals, not social and confined humans.  

Big fish, was free, now dead.

Free, not really, already caught it was dying at 18 meters depth! Trapped in line it drowned, I couldnt free it, perhaps I,ll eat it, or feed it to the stray cats. The stray cats are free, they breed, and most die, some live a short while, and breed before they die, some climb the tree they are born under, but they don't have a word for Free climbing, they beg for food as there arnt the free animal resources in the village to sustain them. Am I like one of these stray cats I wondered today? Like them, I have no concept of freedom. I felt free for a few hours climbing over rocks and swimming this morning, but then I do not go back to my cave, I go back to my apartment, and clean my expensive carbon fins, and classify my day into words. Maybe I,ll drink several beers…… and fall off my balcony…shades of ….a friend… who once new freedom… and couldn't cope with the chains of being ordinary.

Friday, 8 September 2017

Gozo is going, by Stevie gone Haston.

Gozo just featured in the German mag Klettern, it is not a bad spread. Words by me, some photos not by me, or by my dearest, poverty does not allow for a good photo machine at the moment! Double shot (admittedly very good) was by some yanks, Americans only contribution recently were a few dangerous, now rusty bolts. To be fair, the Canadian Sonny Trotter, added a few sweet deep water solos a decade ago, but he is Canadian!

 In Charlottesville America they want to tear down some ex slavers statues, meanwhile in the UK we honour one dollop of a human nasty racist with being on the £5 note, mind you it will soon be worth 5 shillings!

Gozo just got some rain, and we saw a few more German climbers, if you want a few more climbs, donate to my fund for more routes, access, and safety. The new guide book to the climbing here might have the deepwater soloing in it, what do you think? I hesitated to have it in, and finally didn't because our deep water stuff here can be very high! Lots of good stuff goes over 15 meters, topping out can be very high!

 Ray Charles visited me recently.

 the route portrayed here on this page is 40 meets and lots of bolts, they should be of Titanium. The route just to the right is easier 6a, not in the present guide book, and 43 meters, even more bolts! Expensive!


Gozo is still very beautiful, routes etc, but now that some of the summer tourists are going its breathing again...

It's raining today, first for months and months, winter is coming, and I need to do at least 20 new routes! 
Saw a Sea Horse the other day, Verner a diving instructor noticed us free diving and very kindly signalled to us, and we went down, and saw it, just mind you, their cammo is amazing, thanks Verner! The world does not go around because of money, it is pushed and heaved around by people doing good things, and showing me Sea Horses.  

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

The Art of Freedom review by Stevie Haston.

Hello fellow bookworms, have you been doing pull ups for your eyes? Have you read anything lately? Attach safety belts, and recline, read this book. 

 Never judge a book by its cover! Since when in our busy lives did we ever obey that great commandment!

So I have reread this book already, and I reread Bernadette's other necessary book Freedom Climbers, why? Well it's necessary reading, it's compulsory reading in fact, I mean it. With out reference we just float around, begging to be rescued from the morass of the sea! In this clumsy reference, the morass refers to climbing mags, and the blurb that climbers put out about themselves, long past is the time when our ascents spoke for themselves. An example might be an interview of the first Soloist of Freerider, and on the cover is an anonymous blode bimbette-does this seem right to you?   

 Mr Kurtyka who are you sir? Does a himalayist have any relevance in the world of rock climbing-please answer.

Kurtyka and his mates forged some of my own climbing, and not necessarily in the big mountains either.This groups influence was profound and still lingers on. Perhaps today the Visigoths that we all were are now absorbed Roman citizens, and dont care about fighting cold high mountains, but I will soldier on dreaming.
Mountains are big things, they are symbolic barriers, and heavens, and the abodes of the gods, mere mortals must lay at their feet and worship. Well not quite, you can be rich today and be telliported to the summit on oxygen, and other drugs by one of the great rip off, and support nasty regimes incoperated, or you can be a Kurtyka or indeed his oppo, Kukuszka. Your choice.

 this photo is the rebirth of great climbing for me! John Porter, and the great Alex Machintyre and Voyek. from the book this photo by John Porter sums up climbing for me, a few lads joined together in an unknown land, sorting the diet out, secretly wondering if they will live and love again.

A pet hate of mine is nationalism, and climbing writing is full of it, a weird thing as climbers themselves as a group are way above this slimy emotion for the most part. Anyway why do we adore the Polish climbers to this day? Well this book of McDonald goes much of the way in explaining why. They were brave, they were bold, they were visionary, and they were over there in the himalaya doing it, not just talking about it.



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Bernadette McDonald has done a great service to us all with this book from the peculiarly secretive Kurtyka, a man who has often hid himself from the lime light, and refused those baubles that lesser climbers crave, and grovel for-medals for mountains!This book is a must read, and it brought chills down my spine as I somehow felt the air thinning, and the chill entering my safe bedroom, as I read of the ascent of Gasherbrun 4, this ascent more than any others seems to prick every climbers bubble of self worth, and it shines above. Why? Well read the book. But your a sports climber you say, we are all sports climbers compared to Kurtyka, and Kukuszka, and Alex,  et al, we are just deluded and in love with our own image. Modern magazines do not differentiate between a blonde bimmbette, and Alex the Soloer of Freerider, so how can they talk of the privations of running out of food,  or loosing your way. As I talk of loosing the way at altitude, you must read the book for the glimpse into the relationship between Kukuszka, and Kurtyka, it's an essential Mephistophelian tale, you can bung Messener in to the mix too, just to add to the flavour. I will perforce explain as you might otherwise loose the thread- the essential selling out of climbing in the collection of Peaks, as Messner and Kukuszka did was alien to Voytek.
I will leave you there with question or statement, selling out, it's the modern way, is it the way?

Art of Freedom by Bernadette McDonald, the ice and times of Voytek Kurtyka, published by Vertebrate press.